Midnight Musings


Oh Lordt, it is officially June 1, 2017 at 12:07am and I can’t sleep!!!

Why, you ask? Well, settle in and let’s take a look at that. 

1. I live a pretty awesome life with high-functioning anxiety. Most people don’t realize it, but if you know the signs I could be a poster child. Busyness is my crack. I am addicted and though it drives me nuts and gets me frustrated, slowing down too much creates a lot of anxiety for me. 

I choose to see the good sides of this: I am a productive individual in my personal life and my career. I do consciously make time for me to be devoid of action, aka morning meditation time. 

2. I am like many others who take antidepressants daily – I consider stopping the process. 

So, here is where I am now. I have been a little high strung the last few weeks and didn’t realize I was down to my last few pills. 

🙀 The morning routine had become a little robotic and I was just dumping one in my hand, taking a swig of water, and moving on. 

Then on Memorial Day, I stopped in my tracks as nothing came out of my bottle. I would have to skip a day and refill my script the next day. 

However, Tuesday came and went. I was wrapped up with projects in my head and it slipped my mind, though I noticed last night that I was a bit down…emotional…over-thinking…

Aren’t those normal emotions? I sometimes greatly dislike that all my emotions somehow need to be validated by a reason or it is automatically hormonal – shit, I am a woman and maybe it is hormonal – why can’t it be easy. Lol

So today, I think, ‘I feel fine, I don’t really need those pills.’ Ok STOP! This is where many, including myself in the past have just stopped regardless of the repercussions. Not a good plan – these happy pills can have a wicked bite. 

I forced myself to get the pills today. I took one right after work and now here I am – wide FN awake with a thousand ideas in my head. I am using this time to write out drafts of future motivational talks, creating bullet journal pages, reading the textbook for my C.MI™ course, and well, taking the break to create this Ranty McRanterson blog post. 🤣😂

Ok, now I feel better. If you are up reading this I suggest you write it out until you get it all out. It helps!

Cakes

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